


confessions of broken boy

by roma (thef1princess)



Category: Formula 1 RPF, GP2 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thef1princess/pseuds/roma
Summary: They were sober now; at least it felt that way; after what they had heard. It was shocking to hear that Antonio – a guy who always looked happy – felt like this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to my mind few days ago when I saw this on tumblr - let's get drunk and tell each other everything we're afraid to say. I just wanna say that this is little personal.
> 
> Big thanks goes to my beautiful friend Sally [ @that_is_sausage_to_me ] who is beta writer. Thank you again.♥ You are awesome.

„Are you okay, Tonio?“, the drunken Indonesian boy asked.

The gang was finally together again and they were enjoying their free time as they usually would do. It was just them, lots of beer and video games.

After hours of playing videogames they sat down on the couch to chat and drink some more. At midnight all of them were a bit drunk already.

Mitch, Alex and Pierre were dancing to some song that was blaring from Stoffel’s phone while Stoffel himself and Artem laughed at them.

Antonio was surprisingly silent. Normally he would laugh at them or join them. But today he didn’t and it was weird to see him like this – silent and lost in his thoughts.

Sean felt a little worried about his older friend and asked him if he was okay.

“Si, I-i was just thinking, you know”, the Italian boy answered.

Sean was about to ask what his friend was thinking about but Antonio continued talking anyways.

“I am drunk but I don’t feel like it. I should be doing crazy stuff and not feel like this. It is so weird”

“What do you mean?”, Sean spoke up.

He was confused because he had never seen Antonio like this and to be honest; he also had never seen him drunk before.

“I feel like crap; like I am the biggest mistake in the world. I wanna curl up in a corner and cry but on the other side I can’t. I can’t because I am tired of everything. I hate being in this moods but I cannot stop it; it hurts me. My head – my brain – is my biggest enemy and I am sick of all the demons I have to hide. I can’t run away from them because they will just keep running after me and I am tired of it”

After his monologue there was silence in the room.

Stoffel had heard what Antonio was telling Sean and he stopped the music and everyone in the room was listening to Antonio and what he had to say. They were sober now; at least it felt that way; after what they had heard.

It was shocking to hear that Antonio – a guy who always looked happy – felt like this.

Antonio did not notice his friends staring at him and he kept his eyes focused on the walls. Alex was the first who was able to say something.

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

“Like merda? I don’t know. Maybe two, three years?” Antonio answered and he could hear a sigh from his teammate Pierre.

The Frenchman felt awful that his friend had all these problems and he didn’t notice it before. He was so focused on his career and his chance for the Torro Rosso seat that he totally ignored his sad and probably depressed teammate and friend.

“Do you remember when you asked me about my low weight and I told you that I have a fast metabolism?” Antonio continued while he was looking in Sean’s eyes.

Sean could see that Antonio’s eyes were bright and a bit glassy and he knew that Antonio was probably still drunk. He nodded as an answer to Antonio’s question.

“I lied and I’m sorry. I have those self-hate moments when I look at myself and feel horrible about myself. So I starve myself or I work out more than usual. And I was never drunk because I was afraid that I would embarrass myself by telling you all of this. But now you know it and I won’t remember tomorrow”

Everyone was silent. They didn’t know what they should say. All of them were blaming themselves for not noticing the bad condition of their friend.

Alex looked absolutely broken. His normally cold and badass mask seemed broken and there was nothing but hurt in his eyes. Mitch was crying on the shoulder of his boyfriend. Artem had tear in his eyes while he tried to calm Mitch down.

Stoffel was hugging Pierre who was in shock and kept repeating how bad he felt and that he was so sorry.

Sean looked even worse than the other boys. His face was pale and there were tears falling down his cheeks. His hands were shaking.

Antonio didn’t notice what his confession caused. He stared at the wall while his eyelids grew heavy and he slowly fell asleep. Without any further words Sean crossed the distance between them and he lay down on the couch next to him and hugged him close.

Antonio’s whole body was frozen for a bit before he took a deep breath and pushed his face into Sean’s neck. Sean looked at the other guys.

“Go to sleep. I will be here with him”

All of them nodded because they knew how close Sean and Tonio were and that Sean would take good care of him – even if they all really wanted to stay with him as well.


End file.
